Beach morning


Decided to go to the beach this morning before going to work. It was very peaceful. It was exactly what I needed to get better perspective on life. 

Saying goodbye to a friend

A very close friend of mine is moving to Illinois to help take care of her grandmother. I'm going to miss her tremendously. She has been an amazing friend the last few months. She helped me thru some rough moments. She always had such positive things to say to me which made me feel so much better about myself. Before she left she gave me a letter she wrote. It also had a quote by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. "Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place." She said I was a perfect example of it. It made me feel really good. I hope we'll see each other again. Maybe I can go visit her. I've never been to Illinois.

Dear daughter

I am so proud of you!! I'm glad you're able to follow your dreams. I have always known you'd be the one to leave. You're such a determined soul. You have never let anyone stand in your way of your dreams. Not to say you didn't have any hurdles along the way, but you didn't give up. This is going to be hard for me. Your my baby and I will always worry about you. Its going to take me some time to get used to the idea that you wont be close by anymore. I know we hardly see each other now but it makes me feel better that you're close by. I am going to miss you so much!!!! Yes, I'm over the moon happy for you but I'm also sad because you'll be so far away... I love you to the moon and back!!!

"Daughter, today and always please know that I see you. I see the path you've made that's all your own. I see the many unique talents and gifts you have to share. I see your brilliance, your enthusiasm and how deeply you care and hurt sometimes. I see your hard earned wisdom, your soft pure innocence, your courage and compassion, your unconditional goodness, I see what a difference you make in this world and I hope you know how very much I love you and how proud I'll always be to have a daughter as wonderful as you."

Under the weather

This cold kicked my butt! I had to get off early last week on Thursday because I was not feeling good at all. Had to call in sick Friday. My throat hurt so bad, my body ached and my nose wouldn't stop running. I was suppose to get cough medicine with codeine but the nurse forgot to call it in. So I didn't have it for the weekend. It was hell but I managed to get thru little Phoenix's baptism. Glad I was there. Went to work Monday and I lasted an hour. My boss told me to go home. I stayed home another day. I was still feeling pretty crappy this morning. I still have a bit of a cold tho but 10x better.


I have been real sad lately. Not really sure why tho. Today I started crying at work... Ive been crying on the drop of a hat.. I'm sad, don't know how to get out of it. I want to get together with friends but i hate talking about how sad i am.. What can I do to make myself feel better????

Don’t give up my dear friend.

I know sometimes you feel like giving up. Every new day there’s seems to be no change in your life. All the troubles of your heart and worries keep on worsening! You wonder why everything is happening to you. You keep on asking yourself why you’re not lucky like other people.
You keep on praying to God but so far He hasn’t answered your prayers. Now you have started losing hope. You now think that maybe you were meant to be like that or maybe somebody cursed you. But I tell you what my friend? You weren’t meant to be like that and you weren’t cursed.
God is silent but He watches you day and night. He listens to your prayers and He has something special for you. Just stay strong, focused, and hardworking and keep praying to God. Bear it in your minds that you’re not alone in that hard situation, we are all in the same boat. So don’t give up my dear friend. Your time is coming soon

 Thanks to those who hurt me, you made me a stronger person. Thanks to those who loved me, you made my heart bigger. Thanks to those who cared, you made me feel important. Thanks to those who worried, you let me know that you care. Thanks to those who left, you showed me that not everything is forever. Thanks to those who stayed, you showed me the meaning of true friends. Thanks to those who entered my life, you helped me become the person I am today.

~Positive Thoughts

Happy ending

This goes out to all of the people who have been broken but have been strong enough to let go. For the people who have hurt so badly that they felt they could never love again, but kept their head up.
For the people that wish loneliness wasn’t a part of them, but put up with it anyhow. For the people that are okay with taking up all of the room in the bed, even if sometimes it feels a little empty. For the people who wake up in the morning with no missed calls, but smile anyway.For the people that have wounds still healing. For the people that have so much tied to their past relationship, but break those chains to start fresh. For the people that want to look back so badly, but focus on the road ahead. For the people that pick up the phone so tempted to call, but keep their dignity intact instead.For the people that never wanted to let go, but had to. For the people that still believe in love even after all of the hurt their heart has endured. For all the people that gave up not because they were weak, but because most times it’s better just to let go.You will get your happy ending someday. Hang in there and don’t give up. Because all endings are also beginnings.

This really hit close to home... I've been feeling so lonely lately and frustrated. I know that my life definitely has gotten better since last year, but the holidays have triggered something in me. Yes, I'm thankful for my daughters, parents and grand baby but a part of me still feels empty inside. When does it go away? And can I ever live in my own place without relying on someone else? I have never done that. Someone has always taken care of me financially. And I also worry about my little guy, Milo. He's so happy living with my daughter because he has Pepe and Stela to play with. I have never seen him be so playful before. I love my little fur baby a lot. He's helped me thru some bad days. He makes me happy and loves me unconditionally. But also a little sad because he no longer has his brother. He stayed with my ex-husband. I worry about him too. My ex was never much for taking care of anyone but him. I left my other fur baby with him because he loves his daddy. And my ex asked to have him. But my gut is telling me he hasn't been taking care of him and he might not have him anymore. I shouldn't think about it but I do. I hope he's being loved wherever he is. I miss him tremendously.

~Positive Thoughts 

I thought it would be painful, letting you go

I thought I would suffer, that my heart would be anguished with the loss of you. Or worse, maybe it would stop beating altogether.
Maybe without you, I would simply cease to exist.
I thought I would become adrift, for you had been the anchor I had formed my identity upon, the compass I had relied on for my direction. I thought without you I would become lost, disoriented.
I had expected to taste salty tears as they fell upon lips that once spoke so fondly of you; that my head would lay on my pillow damp with tears for as many nights as the moon continued to kiss the stars.
But one day, I just knew.
I hadn’t expected such a feeling of relief as I cut the ropes that once shackled me to you. One instant of tremendous clarity. One instant, where I finally knew.
I no longer needed you.
I no longer needed your opinion of me, your affirmation, your approval.
I no longer needed your judgments, your criticisms, your condemnations.
I no longer needed your expectations I could never meet; your hoops too high to jump through, your goal posts that shifted with every changing breeze.
I no longer needed your blame, your excuses, your justifications.
I no longer needed your pseudo love, fraught with conditions and attached with strings.
I thought I needed you. I didn’t.
I thought it would be hard to let you go. It wasn’t.
I thought I would miss you. I don’t.
For in one instant my heart was awakened to the truth of who I am.
I am more than the lies you made believe about myself. I am more than the look of failure in your eyes when I fell short of your demands. I am more than how worthless you made me feel. I am more than the ways you tried to break me.
I am a warrior, sculpted by the hands of creation, fashioned into being by the very hands that created the oceans and the stars and the mountains and air.
I am strong, I am brave, I am wise. I am gentle of spirit with the heart of a lioness.
I am creative, passionate, sensitive, and kind. I am of open heart and open mind. I am powerful, generous, thoughtful, daring, empathetic, raw, complex, courageous, understanding, forgiving.
I am everything you are not.
I will no longer carry the shame you made me suffer under the weight of.
That shame belongs to you.
And I will no longer carry my hate for you.
For that will only ever bind me to your darkness and give you permission to destroy my light. It will allow you to stay within me, to destroy my peace, to blacken my heart with the malice that lives within you.
It will tie me to your soul-destroying bitterness, your ugliness.
It will anchor me once more to you, who tried to drown me.
Instead, I will choose to go into the world and love more fiercely, show more compassion, be more generous, offer more kindness.
I will choose to forgive. For me, not for you.
I will choose to sow what I wish to see reaped for my children’s future.
I will choose to dis-empower hate.
I will choose freedom.
I will choose love.
I will stand firm upon the unshakable truth of who I am.
And I will soar to heights you will only ever dream of.
For I have let you go.
No longer am I held down by all I allowed you to be in my life.
I no longer need you.
I am free.